What I want

Funny how even I don't know anymore...
It was always on one person but since it is no longer, I guess I don't know where to start.
Cindy have given me so many possibilities who I might end up with but that got me even more confused :L

I don't know because for me to like someone, it's not like I like her. It is more of she likes me and therefore I automatically start to take notice of her more and then before I know it, I'm falling for her. That's why I'm so confused >< If no one likes me or I don't take notice that she likes me, then I won't like anybody! ><

But when Cindy said, "you have to get rid of Wendy in your heart then you can be able to like someone" I do not agree this time. I already said heaps to time, there is no one in my mind right now, which is why I don't know what to do, which is why I'm now officially announcing, I'M RECRUITING A GIRLFRIEND! ^^

Lost Master

If one day, I ever find a girl who feels that way for me, I'll definitely make her feel that liking me is not a regret and I'll promise I'll give her eternal happiness.

She will become my master and I'll be her loyal dog. Eyes only on her, wagging my tail back and fourth. Being pet by her, being loved by her is all I'll ever want from her. It is already more than I deserve. Her generosity will fill up this empty heart of mine.

When she is happy, I'll make her think it can forever lasts and when she is sad, I'll take away all her miseries and replace them up with my own happiness. As long as she is happy, I'm happy to bury all her sadness inside me. As long as she is with me...

But even so, where can I find her... I want to find her, I really want to to find her. I don't want to be alone anymore... Master, where are you?

What people thinks

Even without saying I can sense that people think I'm turning into a pimp now and hang around with countless of girls. Maybe I have never changed and maybe it your viewpoint of me has changed instead?

I can honestly say, I'm not hitting on them. I'm just trying to make more friends. But it's understandable since you see me hug girls more offend now. Think about it, knowing my personality, I would never do that to a girl I like. In fact I will blush instead. Hugging them is simply as a friend not having feelings for them.

What I can't believe the most is that, even people who is close to me also think so. Sigh...
Well, at least I have a limit. Hugging is the max I'll go. Kissing checks etc  won't be happening!!
It's for my future special one instead :D

DAMNIT!!! why do I have to see more cries...

Why is everybody all sad now...

It hurts to see others getting hurt but you can't do anything about it...

I'm so fucking useless!

9/8/10 The tears won't stop

For the following four years, I've tried hard to suppress the sorrow and weakness inside my heart wishing nobody would ever be able to make my tears roll down once again; I was wrong.
One drop followed by another rolled down my cheeks was covered with the substance of pain. I finally lost it... I cried followed by my mum, followed by my sister... such a devastating day...

It has always been this pain which kept me strong and safe. I guess the incident is totally on a different level. The pain consumed my original own pain.

I hope I don't have to experience it anymore, ever again...

Test result

Science test came out today and I was very happy with my score, because I beat my sister who I always look up for. Even though I don't say it, but she is the only person who I ever beat. I want my parents, friends, everybody to think not only Anna Zhou from the Zhou family is smart, there is also the existence of Jacky Zhou.

Leaving that aside, I was rather curious of what Wendy will get for her test result too. Reason being, last time I studied with her for the test (before this one) and she got pretty high for it. I just want to know the comparison of when she studied herself this time. Stating I'm not trying to be slack. Even without the fact I liked her, I always wish her to do well in her tests.

Back to me, after I got the result from the teacher, my first thoughts were "so it is either between relationships or relationships" rather than the typical "YEAH!GO ME!! WOOT WOOT!". After realizing that, I questioned myself, "is it even possible to fully devote on relationships while getting good results at the same time?"

Toll to the new path

I'm really scared, in fact I'm starting to freak out now. Normally, I would say the environment around me is changing too quickly but seems like it has been the other way around...  Is everybody all scared to advance or am I really just advancing too fast? I don't want to be too far apart to everybody but it is a process I must face...

I don't know, it is probably just me. Just hope this won't turn into a reality...

Maturity

I think I have finally matured. Finally serious and finally willing to do work. I don't know how it happened but there is a crave for doing work and pushing myself to work hard. It makes me realize I do have a sense of seriousness or burning passion inside myself. This feeling of not wasting your life is great!

I wonder how much I can push myself now?