Monday, May 31, 2010
It's not her fault
Every time people reads my blog, they will start to criticize her after reading my posts. It is something I can't stand. She has done nothing wrong to begin with. She was just being herself throughout the whole time.I beg of you, please do not talk to her about it or tell her to do something/change. I do not want to change the person I love because of myself; it will make me feel really guilty. I want her to change in the future at her own will. I don't care what you say about me or my feelings but I cannot tolerate people bad mouthing the person I love!
Friday, May 28, 2010
Two sided
In my heart, there are two sides: the craving to love side and the considerate of her side. They are always in my mind to give me thoughts. Should I hug her? Should I give her a break? When can I date her? Am I not giving her any space? Those are constantly in my mind. I don't want to feel that way anymore; I feel so tired. I don't know what is right and what is wrong anymore. I wish if only that girl can tell me....
I hate it when they makes me goes back and forth in my mind. If only I have only one side, then I wouldn't have to go through all of this. I wonder if I only have the crave to love side, will I be with her by now?or if i only have considerate of her side, will I be feeling less awkward around her?
Probably I haven't heard her inside in a long time, I feel less and less secure because I don't know what she wants anymore. Not that I think she doesn't like me anymore or anything, it is just that I am scared that I will approach when she wants to have a break.
My mind does not know where to go anymore therefore, I want her to lead it again...
That's because it already wants her to lead it four years ago!! ><
I hate it when they makes me goes back and forth in my mind. If only I have only one side, then I wouldn't have to go through all of this. I wonder if I only have the crave to love side, will I be with her by now?or if i only have considerate of her side, will I be feeling less awkward around her?
Probably I haven't heard her inside in a long time, I feel less and less secure because I don't know what she wants anymore. Not that I think she doesn't like me anymore or anything, it is just that I am scared that I will approach when she wants to have a break.
My mind does not know where to go anymore therefore, I want her to lead it again...
That's because it already wants her to lead it four years ago!! ><
Monday, May 24, 2010
Her impression
When I first met her, I honestly did not feel anything for her. In my mind, she was only a kind a cheerful girl which happened to be in my class. She was quite popular among the class as everybody seems to know her.
Sitting in science together has made me think slightly different of her. She is not just cheerful but she was also really playful. She also gave me the impression that she was from a really prefect family; honestly I was a little bit envied by it. Not because I have a bad family but it's just that... I don't know XD
Having such a personality like hers is good. You don't have to think alot and you can just relax. Her childish and happy going personality is what makes her so bright. In fact, I think she was too bright, she was shinning.>< It explains why she is so popular; everybody wants to be her friend because of her personality. Really, what makes me started to like her was really because of the inside of her. I liked the inside of her the most and before I knew it, i was already attracted to it.
Inside this girl is a very beautiful heart. Warm and kind. It makes me want to do anything for it. It is why, I must try my hardest to obtain it one day. I love this girl's inside very much, more than anything. And... her outside is a bonus ; )
Sitting in science together has made me think slightly different of her. She is not just cheerful but she was also really playful. She also gave me the impression that she was from a really prefect family; honestly I was a little bit envied by it. Not because I have a bad family but it's just that... I don't know XD
Having such a personality like hers is good. You don't have to think alot and you can just relax. Her childish and happy going personality is what makes her so bright. In fact, I think she was too bright, she was shinning.>< It explains why she is so popular; everybody wants to be her friend because of her personality. Really, what makes me started to like her was really because of the inside of her. I liked the inside of her the most and before I knew it, i was already attracted to it.
Inside this girl is a very beautiful heart. Warm and kind. It makes me want to do anything for it. It is why, I must try my hardest to obtain it one day. I love this girl's inside very much, more than anything. And... her outside is a bonus ; )
Friday, May 21, 2010
Lost
We haven't been talking on msn for a whole week now, it's making me feeling anxious. Though I know i shouldn't force her and expects her to go on everyday, but it kinda hurts not talking to her. Days ago I found out that she does not like to use msn to talk so I didn't talk to her, even when she is online, I was only hoping for her to start a conversation. Seems like it never happened. Seriously, the only reason I'm on msn, is you.
Probably you have reasons, like need to prepare for tests or watching dramas or maybe even don't feel like using msn anymore. Really, I don't mind all that, it's just that I just want to hear the reason. Honestly, I'm not sad because you don't go on msn anymore, I'm sad because you dislike using msn and didn't tell me about it... Didn't we promised to tell each other things?
Its okay I forgive you^^ I guess maybe I should try harder talking to her on real life then. My goal now is to make her think it's not awkward to talk to me XD
Probably you have reasons, like need to prepare for tests or watching dramas or maybe even don't feel like using msn anymore. Really, I don't mind all that, it's just that I just want to hear the reason. Honestly, I'm not sad because you don't go on msn anymore, I'm sad because you dislike using msn and didn't tell me about it... Didn't we promised to tell each other things?
Its okay I forgive you^^ I guess maybe I should try harder talking to her on real life then. My goal now is to make her think it's not awkward to talk to me XD
Thursday, May 20, 2010
Response
The answer I found in my heart works and I never felt so great in ages. I was highly active today and returned to the person I once was. To celebrate my happiness, I went home and immediately styled my hair and dressed up nicely and took those so called ' luvos'. Was really impressed with the photos too. XD
Yesterday, the answer I found in my heart after I heard the song is more of a question than a answer. My heart asked me," How can the person you like be happy, if you can't show your own happiness". The question took me quite a while to deeply think about it and I realized that all these times, I have only thought about myself saying how sad I was or how depressed I was; I have never once thought about her own feelings. Even if she did tell me, I have never discover her feelings by myself.
This is why, I have decided I'll completely forget about the past and be happy so that I will open up with her one day. Maybe she is confused about it not because she doesn't know what to do but because I made her feel uneasy and don't know how to respond. That's why, I'll try to be more open to her and slowly make her feel at ease again. Haha, I have actually tried today but it didn't turn out as good as I thought. She was still feeling uneasy still but I believe everything will be fine, all I need now is patience. ^^
Also, I don't know if she was serious or not today but, she sang Avril Lavigne's Keep Holding On in front of me? and then the girl sang with her said to me, "maybe she is hinting something to you". =S I don't know if she was hinting something to me but oh wells, I'll buy it. ^^
Yesterday, the answer I found in my heart after I heard the song is more of a question than a answer. My heart asked me," How can the person you like be happy, if you can't show your own happiness". The question took me quite a while to deeply think about it and I realized that all these times, I have only thought about myself saying how sad I was or how depressed I was; I have never once thought about her own feelings. Even if she did tell me, I have never discover her feelings by myself.
This is why, I have decided I'll completely forget about the past and be happy so that I will open up with her one day. Maybe she is confused about it not because she doesn't know what to do but because I made her feel uneasy and don't know how to respond. That's why, I'll try to be more open to her and slowly make her feel at ease again. Haha, I have actually tried today but it didn't turn out as good as I thought. She was still feeling uneasy still but I believe everything will be fine, all I need now is patience. ^^
Also, I don't know if she was serious or not today but, she sang Avril Lavigne's Keep Holding On in front of me? and then the girl sang with her said to me, "maybe she is hinting something to you". =S I don't know if she was hinting something to me but oh wells, I'll buy it. ^^
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Answer
I found the answer to what I need to do now ^^
I'm pretty confident about it too >=)
To those who are curious, I found my answer thorough this PV
It is exactly what I have in mind
Read the translations.
I like his songs. They're surprisingly addictive :)
Watching his PV makes me want to learn to dance too~
I'm pretty confident about it too >=)
To those who are curious, I found my answer thorough this PV
It is exactly what I have in mind
Read the translations.
I like his songs. They're surprisingly addictive :)
Watching his PV makes me want to learn to dance too~
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Mistake
Oh crap! she knows about my blog since my friend told her. Now what am I going to do? >< Should I stop posting and abandon my blog and start to write in the book instead? Just kidding, no way! XD I had so many things I wanted to say still, so saying goodbye to my blog now is impossible.
The trust is, it wasn't really my friend's fault, I was the one who told her to say to her about the existence of my blog. I told my friend to tell her but not to say it is me. I'm too scared to ask her to check out my own blog out, surely it will be awkward. Stupid isn't it? Probably I was just wanted to know what will her reaction be if she finds out about the existence of this blog. Will she say anything? Will she laughs from it? It was then I realized I made a mistake.
She was silent the whole day and wasn't saying anything to me about it. Maybe I should have left it and don't let her find out about it and then everything will be fine. But I can't, I just can't.I can't stand it when I write things with her involved when she doesn't even know about it.
Now, it is already the past, not like I can do anything to stop it now. I just hope it won't make us awkward again. I don't want that! Besides, I don't really mind if she asks me stuff about it, I have got nothing to hide now XD
The trust is, it wasn't really my friend's fault, I was the one who told her to say to her about the existence of my blog. I told my friend to tell her but not to say it is me. I'm too scared to ask her to check out my own blog out, surely it will be awkward. Stupid isn't it? Probably I was just wanted to know what will her reaction be if she finds out about the existence of this blog. Will she say anything? Will she laughs from it? It was then I realized I made a mistake.
She was silent the whole day and wasn't saying anything to me about it. Maybe I should have left it and don't let her find out about it and then everything will be fine. But I can't, I just can't.I can't stand it when I write things with her involved when she doesn't even know about it.
Now, it is already the past, not like I can do anything to stop it now. I just hope it won't make us awkward again. I don't want that! Besides, I don't really mind if she asks me stuff about it, I have got nothing to hide now XD
Memory: How I liked you
It was funny now, remembering how I met her and began to like her. Thinking about it still makes me embarrassed ><
I remembered on the first day of high school, she was the first person who talked to me in class. I was sitting by myself at a table since I did not know anybody in High school.I was sitting by myself when she and another girl had no where to sit and approached me saying,"Can you please sit next to that boy over there?". On my first day of high school, I just can't give people a bad impression of myself to people, so I quickly and politely moved and gave them the spots.
Funny how coincidence made us together again, as we are sitting together for science due to a seating plan. It was a great time; she, another boy and I were sitting at one table. Everyday, we would fight for the sit on the left ^^
Then rumours started when people started saying to me that girl likes me. I was shocked and didn't know what to do, so I ignored the rumours and didn't say anything because before high school, I have not experienced these kind of things before. I didn't reply to the rumors and that was when the awkward stage began. Everything just changed, we talked less and became less friendly. Though, we were at awkward stage and had separated to our groups, I realized I had began to develop these weird feelings which at the time I had no idea what that feeling was...
After we completely stopped talking and hanged around our own groups, I felt that she had been secretly staring at me during classes. She stares at me once in a while and I started to notice more and more after that. At times, I spotted her staring at me and she became embarrassed and immediately turns back. That was really cute ^^
Maybe because I started to notice her staring at me during class, I began to take notice of her and realized the feeling I had was 'Love'. Even now, I still remember those moments very clearly, but I doubt that girl still remember it. I don't really mind. What I find funny is that now we're doing the opposite. I have been secretly looking at her and I doubt she noticed. I wonder what will her reaction will be when she notices me? ^^
I remembered on the first day of high school, she was the first person who talked to me in class. I was sitting by myself at a table since I did not know anybody in High school.I was sitting by myself when she and another girl had no where to sit and approached me saying,"Can you please sit next to that boy over there?". On my first day of high school, I just can't give people a bad impression of myself to people, so I quickly and politely moved and gave them the spots.
Funny how coincidence made us together again, as we are sitting together for science due to a seating plan. It was a great time; she, another boy and I were sitting at one table. Everyday, we would fight for the sit on the left ^^
Then rumours started when people started saying to me that girl likes me. I was shocked and didn't know what to do, so I ignored the rumours and didn't say anything because before high school, I have not experienced these kind of things before. I didn't reply to the rumors and that was when the awkward stage began. Everything just changed, we talked less and became less friendly. Though, we were at awkward stage and had separated to our groups, I realized I had began to develop these weird feelings which at the time I had no idea what that feeling was...
After we completely stopped talking and hanged around our own groups, I felt that she had been secretly staring at me during classes. She stares at me once in a while and I started to notice more and more after that. At times, I spotted her staring at me and she became embarrassed and immediately turns back. That was really cute ^^
Maybe because I started to notice her staring at me during class, I began to take notice of her and realized the feeling I had was 'Love'. Even now, I still remember those moments very clearly, but I doubt that girl still remember it. I don't really mind. What I find funny is that now we're doing the opposite. I have been secretly looking at her and I doubt she noticed. I wonder what will her reaction will be when she notices me? ^^
Monday, May 17, 2010
Speechless
I have always wanted to tell you things that are in my mind.I want to tell you and share those feelings together...This is what I always wanted to do but,was never being able to achieve it in real life.
Probably because I'm not being honest with myself which has caused things to turn out like this and has not made much progress with you. I don't know why but, I tend to say things that I really don't mean it or saying the opposite of it instead. So if I say I don't care, I really do care.I say I'm fine when I'm actually not.
I don't know why I do it, but probably because I know if I go serious with you, it will be difficult for you to reply. Therefore, I rather not to be honest to myself than to see you troubled over me. Some day, I hope you can discover this side of me and we can share those deep feelings I have in my heart together. To be honest, I want you to know... I really want you to know! ><
Probably because I'm not being honest with myself which has caused things to turn out like this and has not made much progress with you. I don't know why but, I tend to say things that I really don't mean it or saying the opposite of it instead. So if I say I don't care, I really do care.I say I'm fine when I'm actually not.
I don't know why I do it, but probably because I know if I go serious with you, it will be difficult for you to reply. Therefore, I rather not to be honest to myself than to see you troubled over me. Some day, I hope you can discover this side of me and we can share those deep feelings I have in my heart together. To be honest, I want you to know... I really want you to know! ><
Sunday, May 16, 2010
Sorry
I'm sorry that I haven't talked to you much in real life and only depended on msn The truth is, I really really really want to talk to you. I love to talk to you; even one sentence from you can get me happy for a whole day. However, my mind goes blank whenever I want to you and resulted in not getting anything out of my mouth.
I know it's a bad way to talk through technology rather than real life, as I tried to encourage myself to talk to you everyday. But seeing you happily talking and laughing other people made me resisted. I'm scared I will bore you, I'm scared to I will make you speechless and I'm scared I will make you feel annoyed. It seems to me that you're not at ease when you're talking to me in real life, that's why I'm currently feeling bad and hated myself...
I wish in future, we can talk openly to each other face to face with laughter and smiles rather than to rely on technology. I promise I will definitely fulfil this task in the future, but for now, please let me say
sorry...
I know it's a bad way to talk through technology rather than real life, as I tried to encourage myself to talk to you everyday. But seeing you happily talking and laughing other people made me resisted. I'm scared I will bore you, I'm scared to I will make you speechless and I'm scared I will make you feel annoyed. It seems to me that you're not at ease when you're talking to me in real life, that's why I'm currently feeling bad and hated myself...
I wish in future, we can talk openly to each other face to face with laughter and smiles rather than to rely on technology. I promise I will definitely fulfil this task in the future, but for now, please let me say
sorry...
Saturday, May 15, 2010
I want you...
I wish you know how much I think of you everyday
Even just a little bit...
Seeing you close with other people does hurt me inside.
I cannot do a thing, I cannot say a thing
but can only give a sad smile from behind the shadow.
It is worse than a punch, It is worse than a stab,
I just cannot bear the pain inside anymore...
The pain of jealousy.
I want you to realize, I want you to care
so I can be embraced by your warmth.
But I hesitated because I'm scared,
scared you will be troubled, scared you will suffer
from my selfishness...
That's why I let myself in pain,
so you will never know the truth.
and continue to be the kind little girl I have known and loved
I hope one day, you will understand
and forgive me for not telling.
But for now, I want you...
forever and ever...
Even just a little bit...
Seeing you close with other people does hurt me inside.
I cannot do a thing, I cannot say a thing
but can only give a sad smile from behind the shadow.
It is worse than a punch, It is worse than a stab,
I just cannot bear the pain inside anymore...
The pain of jealousy.
I want you to realize, I want you to care
so I can be embraced by your warmth.
But I hesitated because I'm scared,
scared you will be troubled, scared you will suffer
from my selfishness...
That's why I let myself in pain,
so you will never know the truth.
and continue to be the kind little girl I have known and loved
I hope one day, you will understand
and forgive me for not telling.
But for now, I want you...
forever and ever...
