My goal

I have decided. I will study much harder than before. I see that difference between us and the fact that she is trying much harder than I'm. I want to study just as much as she is so I can feel that I can match her. Only she can make me have that kind of motivation and I have said it before; My life is hers.

Another thing is that I'll force myself to stop something. I don't think I'm being fair to her. she is a good girl and definitely need to be stayed that way. It feels like I'm slowly tainting her, taking away her innocence. Whether she is meeting my friends or explaining something to her which she doesn't understand. It feels like I'm the cause of taking her innocence. I really dislike that feeling. So I have also try to restrict myself from doing anymore things which will taint her. Because I love her.

Too Nice

She is a really nice girl. Sometimes she doesn't want me to stay up late so she says she is tired. After I go offline, she stays online to continue her  work. I know know she is doing it for both of our own goods; so I'm willing to listen to her. She is too nice and that's why I love her, I really do.

Another dream of mine went true today. Watching something with my girlfriend sure does feel comfortable. Normally it would be just watching them by myself, until I met her. If it's with her, I think I can achieve all those dream I have in mind anytime.

New songs

Lately, I have been adding new songs into the playlist. I think they are good songs. It's good to have some new change right? Ever since I met her, I have become more honest and is able to express my true self more. I know now how to love people and things from her influence. It hard to make the first step but when you realize you have made that first step, you're one step closer towards your destination. I'm the new person now thanks to her... I owe her alot, so I'll pay her with my love.

Love this amv!

I really enjoyed watching this amv. I would share this on fb or post this on AUA but I think it's really not my personality to post an amv like this. So this is the best place to upload it. I find it really cute! I give credits for some of the kissing scenes the person chose. ( scroll down to pause the blog music first)

Facebook

At one stage, I actually want to get rid of my fb. I tired of people saying rubbish to me. I could make so many comebacks but then they will tell me to chill and it's a joke. Well, their jokes aren't funny to me anyways, which is why I won't even bother making a reply. The only reason I stayed on fb is because of my gf. She is very nice to me and everyday, I go on just to see her.

This is also why I'm scared when she begins to know more of my friends. I'm scared that one day, she will walk closer and closer to my friend circle and will make our relationship further and further. I think I'm very selfish. However, I know there is a limit of being selfish so that is why i kept everything to myself. Don't be mistaken, I'm not trying to prevent her from making new friends but maybe I'm just scared she will become really friendly with them and will forget about me after that. After all, I'd hate to experience being lonely again.

Cold

I don't want to admit but I couldn't bear it. I kind of had a bet with my gf that I can deactivate my fb account; I really regretted it now. That means I can't see her anymore, even though I was just joking around but I realized it's killing me. As I was pretending to quit, my heart begins to hurt. I felt like I'm being stabbed repeatedly and I don't like this feeling. Now my heart is aching really badly and I feels like I'm dying slowly. Guess I really need her to live on~~~

Feeling

On the way back home from my date with my Gf, she offered to take me home, so her Mum along with her siblings drove me back home. What a nice family! They're so nice! But that is not the point of this post, so continue on~~

Well, I don't know. I just felt a little bit guilty I guess. When I'm feeling very happy from my relationship and seeing other people being sad from theirs. I feel really bad for being happy myself. If you know what I mean~  I sometimes feel that I'm selfish because of that~

My gf asked me what is wrong during the trip. I couldn't bring myself to say it because I don't her to think it is her fault for making me all depressed. Of course, i wasn't but I was just thinking about this in my mind.

Present

I finally gave my gf her birthday present she was suppose to receive for her birthday (around 2 weeks late). I gave her a plushie (Len Kagamine) which resembles us two in our cosplay in the future. It took me a while to get them because they are hard to find. I told my gf, 'I'm setting up my surprise for you  so please wait for a little longer', which of course got her extremely curious at first.

Honestly, I didn't want to follow the typical present trends for guys buying presents to their GFs. I wanted something more unique. I have so many friends who bought their girlfriends necklaces and bracelets; I could've done the same but I don't think I want to follow them. A present is suppose to be meaningful and I personally likes the thoughtfulness over the value of the gift. I'm proud of my choice~

I hope she doesn't think it's a crappy present~ ^^;; I planned everything up two weeks before her actual birthday. Sadly, some factors caused me to not able to give it to her on time.  I was so devastating back then. However, even though it was late but my plan worked ;3 so happy!

I found her

I guess I really did found her at last. Her name is Yumii (of course not her real name but that's what I call her XD) I actually did start to enjoy my life little by little.After all, I don't feel lonely anymore and I feel like I can do anything as long as I'm with her. Hehe, it all started when we were still friends. We just met in our Japanese class and she already offered to help me when I just mentioned I want to cosplay too, after discovering she is a cosplayer herself. I have never met someone so nice that they will do that for a stranger they just met. I guessed I slowly gave in to her kindness the more we talked and because of that, I noticed I began to like her. It was how this story started. As I said again for the millionth time, if I can choose again, I probably wouldn't even consider. I love everything and more importantly, her!

Though, I do get scared when she is being too nice to me. I think I have relied onto it and because of that, I am afraid that if her kindness suddenly disappears from me one day, I will not able to bear it. I will probably break.

Now what....

Mum told me it is actually okay to get a girlfriend but as long as I'm not too absorbed into it. So now, I have my parent's approval, but still I don't know where to heador where to find. Why can't I just have a guidance to find her?

Mum's thoughts

First of all, for those who are also reader of my other blog (Anime Update Australia) and found this blog, I would like to say 'Oh damn~' You guys aren't meant to be here, you should only be following my other blog!! Haha, jokes, jokes. Takumii don't mind ;)

Well anyways, I had a discussion with my mum about having girlfriends etc. She told me, it is actually okay for me to have a girlfriend at this stage, as long as I'm not too into it. She said, education still comes first. Well, I really don't mind having one right now; I feel more and more lonely lately. But not that I can get one right now since I'm:

 1. Not good at making an approach.

2. Only begins to like someone after knowing them for a while.

3. Not the type that girls want in high school.

So there sigh~ I really want to end my high school life and approach uni. I feel that I'll only get a girlfriend when I get to university. High school is just not my game. Not like any girls right now have a liking to me anyways. My position in their eyes are maybe my sister's brother or simply a friend or good friend. Maybe I know my place in their hearts that's why I'd never made an approach to them. Hmm... seems just like me.

Reaction

Reactivated fb for a stupid reason. Trying to play with my friends on 'words with friends' which needed fb to be reactivated. Not only it didn't work for me but I also felt like shit. I regret reactivating after all. It felt like I have to pretend to be happy when talking to people. Not that it will be a big impact even if I become an active user again anyways. I wasn't too noticeable on fb anways.

To be honest, I really want to show my serious side to my friends like how I am in this blog. I felt more happy, more comfortable and more myself.  But then, I guess it's impossible. Acting all serious will just make people think that I'm boring.

Stranger Part 2

Out of desperateness, I tried to start a conversation. After all, we have been sitting directly to each other for a while now and we haven't even said anything to each other yet. Isn't it a bit rude if you totally not talk to someone for a whole dinner? So the-normally-don't-start-conversation me decided to make an approach. Seriously, I'm a criminal for sure if I haven't. The girl is pretty and she also seem to be the type to who don't start conversations.

What troubles me Is~ I DON"T KNOW HOW TO MAKE AN APPROACH!!! many people who knows me can also tell I normally don't make approach to conversation first. This is an except, I know I'll regret if I don't talk to her. So what to talk about? *think* *think*. Wait.... yes! I remembered I saw her once in the city with her friend in a book store's manga section. So the first thing triggered my mind is~

"Do you read manga?"

Funny, I really find that hilarious. I can't believe I used that as a pick up line hahaha. Well, good thing she is fine with the question and simply say she doesn't read manga. Because of that, we were able to start our conversation. I got to say, it has been such a long time since I have such an enjoyable and relaxing conversation. Even if it is not the feeling of love, but the conversation made me really happy. I don't know if it is the feeling of love or not, but I have taken a little liking to that girl.

I wish I can see her again and have another enjoyable conversation ^^

Stranger

Last Thursday started really stressful like always; school (double maths), then followed by 2 hours of maths tutoring. Every week, I will be so tired to anything after the tutoring except last week's. Our family had dinner with another 2 families, meaning I have to go straight there right after tutoring. Normally I wouldn't be too happy excited about it since having dinner at a restaurant  on a Thursday is kind of frequent for us. Since it was right after tutoring, I didn't even have time to go home to change.

We arrived at the buffet with myself thinking it won't be a good dinner anyways. Of course, just as I predicted at the beginning. With adults sitting on one side and the kids sitting on the other, things started off pretty awkward.  Because of the sit arrangement, I had to sit directly opposite to another girl and boy from one of the family. My sister was told to sit in the middle of the table, opposite of my side which leaves me with them.

I thought things will be fine if I just silently eat my own food. I mean, the other 2 siblings are too! so just like that, the 3 of us were just eating our own food. (the siblings don't talk to each other) It wasn't until, their gandma wanted to change sits. It was fine with me UNTIL!! the sit she swaped with is the boy's!! meaning, I sitting by myself with the girl directly opposite of me!! I swear, life sure knows how to make plots~

~Continue later~

Goodbye my Internet life

Good bye to Facebook, LOL and MSN. I'm quitting to all 3. Simply because I don't want to regret later on in life if I continue to use them. Not like they have any help to my studies anyways. If I ever make it to university, I might use them once again. But for now, Takumii is dead on the internet.

Reason

Some people have asked me, "how can you be so normal with that person after all those things have happened?". They are referring to my past love issue. Well, I think its natural to act normal when you clearly don't feel that way anymore for that person. Its not like it matters anymore now. Why care so much if you have let go. Making a fuss over it just explains that you cannot let go still. To me, I personally think that people shouldn't be sad over the end of a relationship; at least be grateful that it happened.

No longer feel pain, no longer feel anything~

Funny how this is how I'm feeling right now. I used to care so much like it's something that I can't live without. I realized, letting go of everything is not that  bad after all. getting rid of things I used to rely on made myself totally blank again. My mind is now clear and feeling strong once more. Goodbye Facebook, Msn; my memories.

Mum

I hope you will be okay.
I'll pray for you :)

SRC 2011

Let just say, I really want to become a SRC this year because it helps alot for me to become a prefect in year 12, I promised my mum I'll become a prefect ever since year 8. However, I don't think I should apply for SRC and I think it's best for me to give up. Reason being, friends. I can't do that to them, I just can't...  Even though people might not think so but I do. I don't want to backstab people in order to achieve something I wanted.


Let just hope, I'll be lucky next year and become a prefect! XD

I don't know XD

New start equals to complete confusion. Currently having a feeling that is different to the feelings before. Feeling free and calm, like all the worries are lifted from my chest. There is only one colour to describe me now, White :D

Maybe I'm liking someone now? I'm not too sure either. Oh wells, better not think too much like in the past. Just going to suffocate myself again if I do. This time I'll just let everything go by itself! But I would love the current feelings to remain, because it is so comfortable ^^

question

Is it considered selfish if I let go now?
because I can feel that I can truly let go now. No more regrets ^^