Lost and Found

Today I got a call from my sis saying Wendy lost her jumper after school. It was somewhere in the basketball court and I was just at the back of the school waiting for my dad, so I went to retrieve it for her. Sadly, the jumper was not there and I was a little depressed. I gave my sis a call and said it was not there. When she said to Wendy "It's not there", I suddenly felt a weird feeling. A feeling of desperately wanted to help...

I wasn't expecting anything but it is just that I once said to her I will help her if she needs help. Even though I know I'm not the person she likes anymore or if I still likes her, but in my mind, I just wanted to help her, no matter what the outcome is. Just because we are not together anymore doesn't mean I can't help her secretly right? XD

So I went around the school and was searching for it~ I went to the PE staffroom where all the lost clothes goes and asked. I managed to find one that suited my sis's description and it was even handed in just a while ago. Though I don't know if that was her one but that will do ^^

Don't tell her la :]

Reaction to New haircut

Why? why does everybody has to say I look better in my old hairstyle... It feels like everybody are pulling me back to the place where I was without themselves knowing. Hearing them saying 'I like your old hairstyle more' is like tearing up my old wound and add more salt into it.

Hidden Gift (From Toradora)

Boy: There is something in the world that nobody has seen yet.
Boy: It's something gentle and very sweet.
Boy: And if you had been able to put your eyes on it, then you would yearn for it.
Girl: That's why the world has hidden it.
Girl: To make sure that not just anyone can get their hands on it.
Boy: But at some point someone will find it.
Girl: That one person who is suppose to find it is also the one who will be able to find it.
Both: That's how it is.

~Toraora~

This anime... The main male character seems alot like to me. Not in appearance but also in personality.He was the same with me, fell for his first crush, who was a really playful girl. He failed and never reached her heart but the good thing was that he was able to find someone he realized he likes throughout the story. And how they ended up together in the end. I absolutely love this story! This anime is also one reason I was able to stand back up so quickly :)

Of course, friends too ^^

Star

Seeing everybody depressed lately also makes me sad
Everything is gloomy and sad recently
Everybody are having their own troubles and worries.
I saw sadness, I saw tears.
I can't bear to see anymore of my friends suffering.
I don't want them to follow the steps like I did...

Therefore,I want to be a star,
shinning brightly in the gloomy darkness
fighting for light's existence.
giving people hopes and wishes,
bring happiness and joy.

I really wish I can be a star someday... ^^

I want to be a person who gives people support when they needed it.
I know it is though, that's why I want to be there so they can lessen their pains.
and regain their smiles and stand back up.
To people who I was referring, when you need help, I'll be there for you :]

New Haircut

My hair resembles my memories. It has been with me for the past few month when I experienced so many things. Therefore, cutting it means that I can let go of things now and will be able head towards a new path. After the haircut, I felt that I was no longer the old me. I'm the new me :) Though it feels weird having such short hair. Oh wells, at least it is doing its purpose, new start.

Under the mask

Under this mask is someone, someone very weak. He is weak but in order to hide it, he hid himself by making a barrier around himself. So he can be safe and protected. Everyday,he acted like someone who is totally opposite of him.Open, not serious, playful... Locking away his true feelings, as the pain engulfed him. He endured because he did not want anybody to know such pain he has been suffereing. The pain increases little by little, day by day. He still resisted. Even though he knew it is something bad, he had no choice. The boy wished that someday, someone will discover him and find him.


Someone, anyone, please save me...

Different happiness

For the past few days, I had heaps of fun and everyday was an adventure. Going out with friends, doing my favourite things, with laughter and smiles. I love times like these and I wish this feeling can continue. Everything negative has gone and I felt so carefree and happy :)

Though I was very happy, but that type of happiness is different to the other happiness which is when you are with the person you love. Really, they are both good but they are considered as two separate things. It is just not the same. I would be lying if I say I dislike the happiness from love but I don't know why, I'm starting to forget that feeling which I would desperately crave in the past. Is it because I started to replace the love happiness with the friendship happiness? Does that mean I'm running away?

I don't know myself anymore ><

Hard To Say I Love You ~Ii Dasenakute by Weaver

Addicted to this song. Not really that good but catchy :)

The dream has ended...

For these 4 years, I have been asleep and dreaming, It is time to wake up. I guess I should stop escaping from reality and face it. It was a lovely dream and I had heaps of fun^^ but keep lying to myself for the impossible is just meaningless. After realizing your true feelings, I had the courage to do this. Yes, I was really sad at first but it feels much better than guessing your feelings. I did tell you to be honest to me and tell me everything didn't I? dummy ^^

Anyways, liking you was really challenging and it gave me so many great memories. If people asks me in the future did I regret it, I will definitely say no. Seeing your happiness, hearing your inner thoughts was definitely more than I deserved. This is why I'm fulfilling my vow now, 'I will stop liking you only if you stop liking me'. I still remember every vow I made and I'm fulfilling it. Thanks for the memories, I will treasure it inside my heart. Wendy Hau ^^

I don't know what will happen in the future but if one day I confess to you again, Please forget about all these four years and give me a definite response. Just in case it may not be me and turns out to be you~ ; ) just tell me :) I like girls who are honest with their feelings ^^

Dear you

I missed you, i really do. I wish I can say this to you but I just know that I shouldn't do it; for our sake. Have you realized I have tried my hardiest recently to talk to you as a friend?. It's hard; from the outside I have to act like a normal friend and to have to keep my feelings inside. There are so many things that has kept inside my heart buried and they can no longer be expressed by words. Watching other couples being together does hurt me a little, it reminds me of how we were before. I really do miss the old times, I really do miss you.

But just to let you know, I don't care about the past anymore. I Strife for the future now and someday I'll get you even harder than I did before. Of course, there is not 100% you'll still feel that way for me in the future but I won't be scared. I mean, I did the same this year without knowing your feelings in the first place anyways.

Did you know? I can feel that I'm finally changing at my own will now. Thanks to you :) I can definitely feel it and it feels so good. This feeling is warm and it makes me feel stronger.

Romeo X Juliet

After I finished watching the last episode of the anime 'Romeo x Juliet'. I just burst out in tears, as I have never watched something so beautiful and touching at the same time... Romeo and Juliet are just the best couples I have seen in my life. Their love for each other are just so romantic and it has made me realized that to love someone is not just to say so but also to do so. It is the vow of eternity...

Damn Romeo x Juliet was such a tear jerker, I cried for 2 hours, eyes are still red >< It all began when Juliet asked him to say her name again after he was no longer alive. Tear drops by tear drops then has continuously escaped from my eyes and kept rolling down my cheeks. After watching it, I was like... "Give me a lover!!! I needa hug her now!!" T_T

I wish I can be like them with the person I love in the future. I will definitely do a better job this time and be like them!! ^^

I lost the bet

At the beginning of this year, I had the "love rush" where I couldn't control my feelings of her anymore and had to tell her. Before doing so, I have made a bet to myself and say that I'll go serious and express my feelings truthfully to her which I have kept for 3 years; if she accepts my feelings then I'll officially ask her out. Therefore I did my confession and exchanged my feelings with her. I was so happy she felt the same way about me, I felt that I could really give my heart to this girl... So as I was about to open my heart, someone told me something, something I did not wish to hear. The voice has echoed continuously... "If you date her now, you guys will never be together". I became scared and hesitated but I hoped that everything will be fine as it will all work out. I guess I was wrong....

Now that I have lost the bet to myself, I shall fulfill the bet I've made. If I failed the bet, then I'll close my heart and won't go serious anymore until I'll finish off high school. Of course I won't stop liking her, but it is just that I'll be her friend for now. I'll still answer those questions, even if she is there whether if she asked or others in the future but I won't do anything that will be off the friendship boundary anymore.

I didn't regret on anything but I'm just scared. I'm scared if I ask her again when that day comes, the answer will change... But I shouldn't think too much about it. If we are destined for each other, then no matter what happened, we will be together anyways. At least that is what I've believed and I'll continue to believe it.

Restart

After a long talk with her today, we decided to remain as friends. It is something that I expected that will going to be happen as it is just a matter of time. However, I realized all this time I was just being scared and stayed there and did nothing waiting for her response. I was too scared to lose the relationship that I have build up with her, but instead that just made it worse.

Though we agreed to be friends, that made me want to try even more. Just because we are friends now that doesn't mean I can't like her and ask her out again in future right? This time, I will have no more shortcuts and I'll do things probably. The first thing I need to do is to be friends with her again. I need to make her not being awkward with me anymore. This time, I'm serious.

Okay guys, please do not interrupt things between her and I this time. I want to do things using my own strength and get what I wanted. I appreciate all you guys' work and consult with her but please do not do that again this time. I want her to believe it once again by myself.